Ranmayana
by yorozuyagaren
Summary: Based on the Indian epic poem Ramayana, only using the Ranma cast. Akane is kidnapped by Happosai and Ranma has to go rescue her with the help of Ryoga.
1. Chapter 1: Akane Goes Missing

The Ranmayana

Chapter 1: Akane Goes Missing

Kasumi looked around at the table, neatly set for six. She smiled, thinking how much in the house depended on her, then padded to the door and shouted the traditional first coherent sentence of the morning.

"Father! Mr. Saotome! Nabiki! Akane! Ranma! Breakfast is ready!"

From upstairs came Nabiki and Soun Tendo, Nabiki ready for school, her father still half asleep. From down the hall came Ranma and Genma Saotome, Genma already in panda form and Ranma putting the finishing touches on his braid. The household sat down to eat.

It was Kasumi, predictably, who noticed that something was wrong.

"Where's Akane?" she asked.

Ranma gulped down a mouthful and answered. "Haven't seen her."

"Maybe she's still in the bathroom," Nabiki said pragmatically.

"Ranma, will you go check on her?" Kasumi asked, hands clasped in front of her chest.

Ranma stood up, grumbling, and left the room.

_They're throwing us together,_ he thought._ Whenever I sleep in, it's her they send, and when she sleeps in, they send me._

Akane was not in the bathroom. Ranma hopped up the stairs two at a time to check her room. He opened the door slowly, ready to slam it shut if his fiancee wasn't dressed. Nothing came flying out at him, so he opened it a little more. There on the bed was-- not Akane-- but a scantily clad girl with her hair in a long ponytail and a black rose in her teeth.

"Kodachi!" he asked. Kodachi was the younger sister of Tatewaki Kuno, the most annoying man alive. More importantly, she had no business being in Akane's room.

"Ranma, take me!" she said, arching her back dramatically.

"WHAT!" Ranma shouted, slamming the door shut. He all but ran back down the stairs.

"Akane's been turned into Kodachi!" he announced to the breakfast table.

"Don't be silly, Ranma," Nabiki admonished him. "Or sillier than usual, at least. People don't randomly turn into other people overnight, you know."

Ranma frowned at the veiled insult. "But I just checked her room and I found Kodachi in there."

A resounding "WHAT?" went up from around the table.

"My poor little girl!" Soun cried. "That Kuno girl must have killed her! Ranma, be a man and avenge your love!"

Genma sympathetically patted him on the back. "Now, now, she's probably just hiding somewhere, old friend. Your Akane's a very strong fighter, you know."

Kasumi, predictably, was the voice of reason. "But how could Kodachi have gotten into our house?" she asked. No one answered.

"Who cares?" said Nabiki, waving her hand dismissively. "After all, she got in, didn't she? Shouldn't we try to get her out?"

Four sets of eyes turned to Ranma.

"What are you looking at _me _for?" he asked.

---------------

After removing no less than ten packets of aphrodesiac powder from Kodachi's skin-tight leotard and wrestling her out the door, Ranma sadly gave up on breakfast and decided to search Akane's room for clues to her disappearance. Everything seemed to be in order, until he opened the closet. There lay Ryoga in his pig form, unconscious, trussed up like a-- well, like a pig-- with a note stuffed in his mouth. Ranma carefully removed the note and unfolded it.

The note read as follows:

To my unworthy student:  
No doubt by now you have discovered your fiancee missing. Don't worry, she is safe-- I would never harm my dear, sweet Akane, unlike you, who seem to take a childish delight in torturing her. Don't plan on seeing her again, though. I have taken her far away into a particular village in the mountains where we shall be wed, and there is not a thing you can do about it. This foolish pig tried to stop me, and you can see what happened to him. Your fate would be even worse should you try to interfere with my plans.

The signature was impossible to read, but Ranma already knew who had written the note.

"Happosai," he growled, crumpling the note in his fist.

A/N: Sorry if it's kinda short, but it seemed like a good place to end it. The next one will be longer, I promise.


	2. Chapter 2: Ukyo's Cakes and Ryoga's Luck

Well, this chapter's a little longer than the first one. Hope you enjoy it, and thank you to everyone who reviewed!

* * *

The Ranmayana 

Chapter 2: Ukyo's Cakes and Ryoga's Luck

"What do you mean, you're going to rescue Akane?" Ukyo asked, skillfully flipping okonomiyaki. "I mean, you don't even like her that much, do you?"

"It's not like I've got a choice," Ranma replied irritably. "Pops says he won't let me back in the house until I've gotten her back."

"And what about Ryoga? Why don't they get him to do it? He'd probably be thrilled."

"Because Ryoga is a moron. He'd just get lost and start whining about how he's so unlucky. Unlucky, my ass. He's not the one who turns into a girl. He's not the one who has a psychotic father who wants him to marry some ugly girl that he doesn't even like."

Ukyo leaned over the counter, bringing her face to close to Ranma's. "You know, you could just stay with me. Forget about Akane. Forget about your dad."

The offer was tempting. Oh so tempting. "I'm really sorry, Ukyo. Much as I'd like to, I knew you as a guy for too long. You're like a brother to me."

"I'd feed you," Ukyo said, pulling her trump card. Ranma looked indecisive for a bit, then hardened his resolve.

"No, I'm sorry," he said, rubbing his face with his hands. "It'd be too weird. We can still be friends though, right?"

Ukyo sighed and nodded. She could never refuse her childhood friend, even if it meant giving up on him.

"You really do like Akane, don't you?"

Ranma nodded miserably. Much as he hated to admit it, the tomboy had managed to unwittingly kick and punch her way into his heart.

"Well, I can give you some advice," Ukyo said, patting her friend on the back. "Be careful when you're fighting Happosai. He's insane."

"You think I needed _you_ to tell me that?" Ranma asked. "I don't suppose you tell me which way he went, or anything helpful."

"Sure I can. He went north. Saw him leaving town around two this morning. He travels fast, the little pervert."

"Thanks, Ukyo. I really don't want to know what you were doing at two in the morning." Ukyo grinned, then ducked behind the counter.

Ranma got up to leave. Ukyo rushed around to the door, clutching a package.

"I made these when I heard about Akane," she said. "They're from an old recipe that my dad gave me. They're very dense, so few bites should last you for at least a day." She held them out to the young martial artist. "Please, take them."

"Thanks," Ranma said again,then he left.

* * *

Ranma ran back to the dojo to grab some things for the journey, then followed Ukyo's advice, heading north. The first night, he camped just outside of Tokyo. The package Ukyo had given him proved to be full of small okonomiyaki cakes, and—just as she had said—two bites into one he discovered that he was quite full. All went rather well until the third day. 

The young martial artist was walking down a dirt road, whistling whatever came into his head, when he heard a noise in the bushes. He froze, trying to listen. The rustling came again, right before a small black pig tottered out onto the road and fell over. Ranma picked up the exhausted animal and looked it over, noting the yellow and black bandana around its neck.

"Now, I know you can't possibly really be Ryoga," he told the pig. "There's no way that he could have gotten this far without getting lost. You must be an imposter." The pig squealed loudly, then clamped its sharp little teeth onto Ranma's hand.

"Dammit, getoffame!" Ranma shouted, waving his wounded hand around. The pig held on for dear life. "That's it," said Ranma. "I'm going to see who you really are." With that, he took a thermos of hot water (saved for emergencies) out of his pack and poured some of it on the pig. It promptly turned into a naked young man with a yellow and black bandana tied around his head.

"Damn you, Ranma!" Ryoga snarled. "I would have gotten there first if it hadn't been for that rain shower!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, pig," Ranma replied, putting the thermos back in his bag. "So how'd you get this far from Tokyo without getting lost?"

"Like I'm telling you, you crossdresser," Ryoga muttered. Ranma pulled out a water bottle. "Fine, fine, I'll tell. I followed you."

"And how did you know which way I went?"

"Ukyo told me."

If the okonomiyaki maker had been present, she would have found herself in a great deal of pain. As it was, Ranma punched at Ryoga, who dodged.

_What the hell was she thinking?_ Ranma asked himself.

* * *

Several miles away, Ukyo asked herself the same question. 


End file.
